The Club Notes #22

Luminating Shake Shack on Christmas in between Luna Lisa and Picasso Lisa in Chicago

Just came back from ruminating in a long session — 24 hours — with the shoe boxes. And support is the first thing you have to trust. It is an unseen power itself.

And I'm thinking about parents. It's weird that not only my parent but so many other kids have parents who would rather give their own kids some lessons by hurting them. Maybe that's a valid and somewhat amazingly effective way for the kids to grow. But the wound… And how long is it considered not a big deal? I heard the British mother fighting the U.S. university in for punishing her kid with the schoolwork and I didn't feel any better at that time when I was already in graduate school. Is it the same as learning a new language? Multi-linguists must have a similar background like James Longman’s great grandmaman's.

But then I thought it wouldn't be that bad, as my then social worker and case manager hinted, to “burn the bridge” from someone who I just built somehow a new branch for his business with a random internship he and his school offered me in Chicago. And the man couldn't fall behind from the woman’s wisdom, after she voiced about “500 (for rent)”, so he went ahead of the sponsorship with the Metra monthly tickets from my attorney’s organization and maybe later it also went to the federal government funded VTTC program with Chicago’s Pope, which I'm not certain if it has been cancelled or how many have been enrolled in the world. The boss of their school program said he could maybe add rides into it, after “Who the hell is she”. How serious they were? Bad stitches after they played with flowers and she claimed that. Again, I wasn't going anywhere at that time but plainly waiting for the next step of Illinois’ rapid re-housing program.

And again, I was the newest thing in town, besides in the cities. Lack of the residential experience but I thought it was just normal — in case you just must get stuck in any program — to stay and wait till everything is fixed and improved. But who could wait that long? Until nothing changes. The housing voucher arrived immediately after the interview with the housing coordinator. Everything in every other step could be held as long as possible. Of course, shelters are not a nice place to live with so many people who carried their own vibes from their own cases. Did I allow myself to live a new life like with anesthesia naturally made within me when I was using the adorable shelter built for women? And when I actually accomplished the process of the housing opportunity, it was a bizarre with endless monthly notifications that even my housing manager couldn't help to make a solution for rents already paid but culture anxiety just couldn't be saved. Well, right — ask tech CEOs to install a program that helps every human self-produce those chemicals — but in my case, at least it seems still necessary to move around to a new place that gives me a new hope about what humans species have been different from where I went to. If that was about how all the support shall be appreciated and fed back with. How much did they know that they allowed themselves to allow them? And they can’t be not interesting.